I hate general election campaigns. And yet, I’ve decided to stand in one, as the Class War candidate for Liverpool Riverside. There are several reasons for this:
- Otherwise 2015 will be the worst election ever: You think 2010 was bad? Unless you’re filthy rich, all the parties now in Parliament will be saying that your life needs to be made much, much worse. And why? Because the filthy rich aren’t filthy rich enough! The only thing they will argue about is which of them will be best at making you suffer.
- UKIP: The rich know how much you hate the blues, yellows and ‘reds’ making your life worse, so they’ll be using their media to boost UKIP as an ‘alternative’. UKIP are run by a bunch of rich scum who’ll try to convince you that some of the most shat-on people are to blame for the problems in your life. They’re not. Our enemy is the rich. The rich. We’ve got to get rid of the rich. I’m gonna say that loud and proud.
- Louise Ellman: I once accidentally bumped into current Riverside MP Louise Ellman at Central station. She sort of fell, and I caught her like I would anyone. But then I saw it was her and felt gross. She’s a big supporter of the Liverpool Labour lot closing down libraries, community centres and homeless shelters, with the added nasty extra of being really into the Israeli government killing Palestinians.
- Representing working class of Liverpool Riverside: Like most of the city, there’s a lot of disgusting poverty in Riverside, and all the parties who stood here in 2010 would all make that worse. But working class people fight back here and there, and will need to do that more and more in the times to come. So for the five weeks of the campaign I’ll be a ‘representative’ of those fights, and do my bit to make sure their struggles become national news.
- Promoting communism: Yes, I believe that communism is the way forward for the working class of Liverpool, this country, and the world. It’s the only alternative to the rich getting richer, us getting poorer, and the planet getting wrecked. You can’t get it through parliament because the working class have to make it for themselves. But I’ll promote it on the campaign trail.
- Fun: I think it will be fun.
- Faces: I can’t wait to see their faces.
- Hands: I won’t dirty mine by shaking theirs at the count.